I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
