did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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