I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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