You just made me feel so damn special
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
