haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
