Who wears a wallet chain?!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
