Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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