Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
