I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
