dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
