thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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