Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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