Swine flu. Run for my life!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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