He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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