It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
