thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
