You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
