I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
