I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize