a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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