you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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