she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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