I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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