if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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