The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize