i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
