I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
