you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
