Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
