She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
