YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yo dont text me then not text me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
