I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
