So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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