i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize