It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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