i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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