big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
