the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
