so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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