Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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