I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
