Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
