She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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