meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize