My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
