she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
