Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize