24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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