They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
