fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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