I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
