We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
