We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
