we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
