By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
