Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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