last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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