Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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