so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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