New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
