It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
