Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
