just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
