I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
