everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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