So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
