Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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