I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
