I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
