i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
