if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
