Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
